Don’t take it personally ……

Happy New Year, back to my weekly slot of 10 minutes of motivation.

Not taking it personally and being triggered

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If you put shame in a petri dish……

This extract is taken from audio version of The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown.

Shame is the gremlin who says “never good enough” and if you can talk it out of that one “who do you think you are?”.

The thing to understand about shame is its not guilt.

Shame is a focus on self.

Guilt is a focus on behaviour.

Shame is “I am bad”

Guilt is “I did something bad”

Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders.

And here’s what you need to know even more, Guilt is inversely correlated with those things.

Shame for women is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we are supposed to be.

For men, shame is not a bunch of competing conflicting expectations. Shame is one “Don’t be perceived as what?” “Weak”.

But the truth is vulnerability is not weakness.

I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, certainty, it fuels our daily lives and I’ve come to the belief this is my 12th year doing this research that vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.

If we are going to find our way back to each other we have to understand and know empathy because empathy is the antidote to shame.

If you put shame in a petri dish it nerds 3 things to grow exponentially, secrecy, silence and judgement.

If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy it can’t survive.

The 2 most powerful words when we’re in struggle are “me too”.

If we are going to find our way back to each other vulnerability is going to be that path.

If you haven’t discovered Brene Brown and her work yet, go Google her. Her work should be on every Government agenda and every school curriculum and every company policy.

Empathy by Brene Brown

Resilient:How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength and Happiness.

This is an excerpt from the new book by Dr. Rick Hanson with Forrest Hanson.

I completely agree with what he’s written, I’ve wrote recently about using daily self love actions and have written a programme called “Building an Internal Six Pack”. Both of these things are based on building your internal strength by recognising all the small achievements on a daily basis.

True resilience is about much more than simply surviving the worst day of your life. It’s about thriving every day of your life. This book will teach you how to grow key strengths inside yourself – like grit, gratitude, and compassion – for lasting well-being in a changing world.

Feeling Successful

There is an architecture of aims inside us that ranges from microscopic regulatory processes within individual cells all the way up to our loftiest aspirations. Living is inherently goal-directed. Experiences of meeting your goals feel good, lower stress, and build positive motivation. They reassure you that you’re making progress, which helps you stay in the Responsive mode – in the green zone – as you go through your day. There are outcome goals such as getting out of bed in the morning, coming to a good understanding with someone at work, and washing the dishes after dinner. And there are process goals – ongoing values and aims – such as being honest, learning and growing, and taking care of your health.

If you think about it, you can see that you are accomplishing many outcome and process goals every hour.

For example, as you walk across a room, each step is a goal. This may sound trivial, but for a toddler learning to walk, each step is a victory. In a conversation, each word understood and facial expression deciphered is a goal attained. At work, every email read, text sent, and point made in a meeting is an accomplishment.

Since each day is full of goals, large and small, it is full of opportunities to take in experiences of successful goal attainment. Doing this builds up an internal sense of being successful, which helps us weather criticism and be less dependent upon the approval of others.

Much self-importance and acting superior is a compensation for underlying feelings of failure and inadequacy. Consequently, feeling like a success deep down can help people lighten up and take themselves less seriously. A durable sense of being successful comes from internalizing many experiences of small successes, not from seeing a big trophy outside such as a fancy car parked in the driveway.

Feelings of Failure
We all accomplish countless outcome and process goals each day. Yet many people do not feel very successful. One reason is the negativity bias. Internal alarms go off when we don’t meet goals, and dopamine activity drops in the brain, which feels bad and heightens anxiety, tension, and drivenness. But when we do meet our goals, we often don’t recognize it. People can be inattentive or numb as they do one task after another, or so focused on whatever is around the bend that they zoom through the finish line as they rush on to the next race.

When you notice an accomplishment, how often do you feel the success, if just for a moment? It’s common to block feelings of success due to fears of being ridiculed or punished for standing out or thinking you’re somebody special. And when you do have a sense of success, do you slow down to take it in and hardwire it into your nervous system?

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The number of actual failures in any person’s life is tiny compared to the vast number of goals that have been successfully attained. But the failures are highlighted by the brain, associated with painful feelings, and stored deeply in memory. This crowds out a legitimate and well-earned sense of being an accomplished and successful person.

The fear of failure is worsened if you grew up with with a lot of criticism, even if there was also a lot of love. It’s also worsened if you are part of a company – or more broadly, an economy – that’s incentivized to keep people on the proverbial hamster wheel, with real success always slightly out of reach. Make your first dollar? It’s on to the first thousand. Make your $1000?` Well, so-and-so made $10,000. Get promoted? Stay hungry. Win a championship? Better repeat next year. Work harder, stay later, give 110 percent . . . but it’s never quite enough. The goalposts keep getting pushed back.

Feeling afraid of being a loser can be motivating, whether for a child or for a CEO. But over the long haul, those negative feelings wear people down and lower performance. Feeling reasonably successful already helps people aim high, recover from setbacks, and achieve their best.

Since you actually are moving from success to success hundreds of times each day, it’s simple justice to feel successful.

Since you actually are moving from success to success hundreds of times each day, it’s simple justice to feel successful.

Since you actually are moving from success to success hundreds of times each day, it’s simple justice to feel successful.

Click here for Rick’s website to purchase his book and get access to free gifts.

What to Do When You Are Freaking the Fuck Out

Damn, Girl. Get Your Shit Together.

Spring is right around the corner! Better weather, new beginnings, and for many of us, it means a lot more social, work, and family responsibilities. If for you that translates into outright panic or good old-fashioned stress, here are three great strategies for when you are freaking the fuck out.

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You are your greatest gift

In this world the most challenging thing can be to be your true self. You can become so bogged down with everything around you without even realising it’s happening.

And how do you know it’s happened? When something lights you back up again and you realise that you had lost your way.

I am an empath, I have a beautiful gift of sensitivity and I love the people in my life, but as an empath I can absorb all of your rubbish.

You may not say it, but if it’s in your energy field I feel it and it can affect me. It’s like coming home with everyone’s laundry. I’m trying to work out how to get the equivalent of an energetic laundrette at my house.

My responsibility is too manage myself, my commitments and my life so that I’m in the best place possible for the people I love. I’m still learning.

What sparked this post was reading the post at the bottom by Crystal dreams. Her list of 1 to 80 felt like my todo list for 2018.

And do you know what, it lit me back up. It reminded me that when you sing from the song of your heart and soul you are the happiest you could ever be.

And when you do that you are the most beautiful and charming person to be with in the world.

So have a look at the article or peruse her 80 guidelines for living. If any government needed a new manifesto then it surely should be this one.

1. Take responsibility for your life. Stop blaming others, outside influences, your past, the planets, the weather. Own your own chaos and start to address your problems one by one. Begin with your home. You cannot function properly if your home is in a state of chaos, untidiness and filth. Then move on to bigger issues. Your relationships, your job, your finances. It is, quite simply, your choice.
2. Live in the Now. Stop worrying about the future or dwelling in the past. The only moment you can change is right here, right now.
3. Every now and then unplug yourself. Almost everything will function properly again once you disconnect it from the “mains” for a while, reboot it and then restart the programme. The same is valid for humans.
4. Spend at least 30 minutes a day in nature. Ground yourself. Walk barefoot on the earth if you can. Nature truly is our greatest healer.
5. Spend less time on Social Media and more time with those you love. Social Media scatters and fragments your energy enormously and a big part of why you are feeling frazzled all.the.time.
6. Don’t hang on to anger and resentment. Equally, don’t ignore them either. Anger is a valuable emotional reaction when we feel wronged and a clear signal that our boundaries need to be (re)established or (re)evaluated. Take time to be with your feelings, work your way through them and understand why you feel the way you do. The moment you understand, you will be able to let go, just like that.
7. Be kind to yourself and others. You never know what the other is going through.
8. Meditate. Often. Write in your journal, process the day.
9. It is ok to feel self-pity now and then, but don’t dwell there. Rather harness the energy to create a better future for yourself.
10. Be Grateful. For the good and the bad. They both have worthy lessons to teach.
11. Listen to the silence. It has much to say.
12. Cry when you need to cry. It will release the pressure and bring healing to the pain.
13. Let go of Pride and Prejudice.
14. Stop living your life according to the latest planetary alignments, horoscope, cosmic weather, list of recent ascension symptoms and general tarot readings. Whilst a good, personal energy, astrology or tarot reading can bring much clarity and insight, fully living your life according to what has been “foretold” is the best way to stop the magic from happening. One choice today will alter your path tomorrow. Ignore any sensationalist doom and gloom messages repeated ad nauseum. They are designed to lure the masses into a “need” by keeping you trapped in your misery so that you keep coming back for more.
15. Understand that NOTHING will cure you other than YOU. There is not a single crystal, healing modality, healer or guru who can miraculously fix you. The only thing they can do is align you with the frequency of the healing you need to find within yourself. You have to do the work. You will have to do the inner work. Nobody can do it for you.
16. Own your addictions. Owning them is the beginning to curing them. Whether sugar, drugs, alcohol, food, sex, OCD… the list is endless. Own it. Then watch the transformation happen. It may not be overnight, but you will take control more and more until one day… you are free.
17. Deep Healing takes time. Be patient and and gentle with yourself. Trust that you will get there.
18. You have all the answers within. Seek advice with those you trust but listen to the wisdom of your soul.
19. Trust your gut. It knows more than your mind.
20. Let go of the need to be right or defend yourself. Truth will eventually out and people will respect you for it even more.
21. Your body is your temple. Learn to love it, just the way it is. The more you love it, the better you will treat it and the more it will love you back and transform into the way you would love it to be.
22. There is no such thing as coincidence. Everything has a meaning.
23. Opinion is the lowest form of knowledge.
24. Stop procrastinating and evading unpleasant situations. The sooner you grab the proverbial bull by the horns, the sooner the problem will go away.
25. Nothing will ever truly go away until we have learnt the lesson fully. If you find yourself in a repeat groundhog- day pattern, ask yourself what you are not wanting to see. See it.
26. Know that it is ok to let go. Step away from people and situations which you have outgrown. Move on. It is fine and the way it is meant to be. It is all part of your and their growth.
27. Self-care and self-nurture is vital. Allow yourself to rest. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
28. Understand the power of your thoughts. Thought creates and manifests energy. You can invest that power in negativity or positivity. The choice is yours.
29. Know that there will be days that you will feel out of sorts, emotional and overwhelmed. I still have them regularly and that is ok. Surrender to the feeling, be with it and try to find the reason. Sometimes you will, sometimes you won’t. And that is fine. Tomorrow is another day and this too, shall pass.
30. If you are having a super unmotivated day, still try and do one productive thing, preferably something you love.
31. Create order, structure and a certain routine in your day. Begin with making your bed. Schedule your day. Make a to-do list if you find it hard to keep to your schedule and get to the end of the day having achieved all your goals. You will be surprised how good it feels to tick all your to-do’s off the list as the day goes by.
32. Equally, make time to be “free” for a while each day.
33. Did I mention meditate?
34. Stop getting involved in drama. Be discerning in what you read, listen to and believe. Limit your time on TV / Radio / Social Media networks that proclaim the latest doom and gloom news. Stop sharing sensationalist news, be it on terror, horrendous crashes, personal tragedy. It only spreads more angst and enforces control of the masses. Better even ditch TV and Radio altogether.
35. Your TV probably has over 500 channels. If you find yourself brainlessly flicking through them, remember that there is an off button.
36. Read lots of books to expand your knowledge and horizons. If you find this difficult because of time pressures, listen to audio-books instead. Listen to them when commuting, ironing, doing your chores. I have “read” through stacks of books in the last 3 months by using audible and it has been life-changing.
37. Trust. The Universe has your back.
38. Travel as much as you can. It will bring many an unexpected gift.
39. Remember that fear is an illusion. Unless in a real, life-threatening situation, most of what we imagine could happen, never happens.
40. Tell those you love that you love them.
41. Make every day count.
42. You cannot change others. Either accept them as they are or choose to distance yourself.
43. Relationships change. Your marriage, your friendship, your loveship. They will all evolve and change, and that is good. You can either grow with them or stay frozen in stagnation. Your choice.
44. Communication is vital. Express your feelings. Lack of communication is one of the biggest reasons for disharmony. If you find it hard to speak your feelings, write them down and pass your message on that way. Explain if you are finding it hard to express your emotions verbally. It will be understood.
45. Every now and then, take a risk. Go on an adventure. It adds spice to life and expands your horizons.
46. Clean up after yourself.
47. Avoid gossip and gossip magazines. You have no idea how horrendous and destructive their energy is.
48. What others think about you is none of your business.
49. Equally, what others do is none of your business.
50. Change is good. Stop resisting it.
51. Be creative in whichever way you love. Write, draw, paint, crochet, make jewellery, build something. It doesn’t matter what it is. But being creative matters to your soul and happiness. Creativity is one of the greatest healers.
52. You have more strength, resilience and courage within you than you will ever know. You can do this.
53. Make love not war.
54. Move your body. Exercise gently for 30 minutes a day. A brisk walk and 15 minutes of gentle Yoga will work wonders.
55. Your family is your greatest teacher.
56. Have regular, nourishing meals. It creates order in our day and order in your body.
57. There is life after copy and paste messages. Stop brainlessly copying messages onto your status. This too is a form of control and stops you from engaging your own brain and creativity.
58. Be patient. Everything will come to you at the right time.
59. Keep dreaming. Your dreams are the vehicle to manifestation.
60. Think before you speak.
61. Treat everyone with respect.
62. Have fun! If you forgot how to do that, play with a child for a while.
63. If someone really gets under your skin and triggers you deeply, there is an important lesson to learn. Step back, take a breath, observe your reaction and then take considered action.
64. Set boundaries if you feel violated. It is ok to define your limits. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength.
65. Show your emotions. Not everybody is good at reading other people’s energy or body language.
66. Stop worrying about getting older. It is a privilege denied to many.
67. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
68. Stop being available 24/7. There really is no need to answer that phone/message/text/email immediately.
69. Dare to be vulnerable. Your integrity will earn you deep respect.
70. There is no such thing as failure. Even when you give up for a while, it is not failure. See it as a breakthrough. There WILL be a point where you will be ready to try again.
71. Be totally honest with yourself. It will set you free.
72. Never stop learning. The moment you stop learning, life will become dull and meaningless.
73. Nothing will ever be perfect. Just be the most imperfectly perfect you can be, because all is perfect as it is anyway. One of the great paradoxes of life.
74. Be aware of energy. Your energy, the energy of your words, your thoughts, the energy of others, of things. I wish I could show everyone the effect and impact of energy. If we would all be aware of it, this world would truly be a better place.
75. Stop complaining. It keeps you trapped in the energy and makes you a victim.
76. Never ever grow up. It ‘s a trap 😉
77. It is never too late to change anything.
78. Love is the answer. No matter what the question.
79. Be the change you wish to see.
80. Be . Authentically .You. Always.

The Full Article from Crystal Dreams