Self Love Day 22 – Gratitude are you doing it properly? 

My Sunday morning started with purchasing a positivity magazine from Dotty Delightful. I can highly recommend it and below is a link to purchase something that for the price of a coffee will lift you longer than the caffeine high. 

Dotty Delightful Rainbow Positivity Magazine Etsy Shop

I love colour and positivity and this was brimming with it, just flicking through the pages instantly made me feel relaxed and lighter. 

One of the pages was about gratitude and asked you to list 10 things that you are grateful for. 

If you are like me, then your Facebook page is always filled with positive memes and recommendations for gratitude. Sometimes we can see something so much that we can switch off from it and forget about the power that it has. 

I knew that I had positivity fatigue as I looked and thought “yeah I know I need to be grateful” and as I heard myself say that I realised that I had “positivity fatigue” and needed to remedy it quick. 

So if you are filled with so much positivity but know that somewhere it isn’t working then take the time to do this, reconnect properly with gratitude. 

1. Get your journal, paper, pens and block out half an hour from the people in your life (they will really benefit, because at the end of it they will get the new and improved version of you). 

2. Firstly centre yourself, you do this by just closing your eyes, making sure your feet are on the floor and just take 3 nice deep breaths. 

3. Write “I am grateful for (fill in the blank) because………… (the power is in the” because ” it helps it stop just being a list and really helps you to connect to the reasons why). 

4. Repeat step 3 nine more times. 

5. Go back to your life with a much more relaxed and calm centre, you and the people around you will appreciate it. 

If you want see more of Dotty Delightful and what she does 

Dotty Delightful 

My next Journaling For Self Love course starts on Thursday 8th June

Journaling For Self Love 

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Help I have a teenager and it is GCSE time.

exam stress
You can feel the tension in the country as the exams start and families with teenagers take a sharp intake of breath, here are some thoughts to help you through.
If your teenager is stressed then treat them like you would treat a frightened child, on the outside stressed pupils can display stubborn behaviour and refuse to do things, remember behaviour is always a way of communicating what is really going on for them. On the outside it maybe willful and moody but on the inside they are absolutely
frightened to death,
frightened of failing,
frightened of letting you down,
frightened of walking out into the big wide world,
frightened of not knowing what to do,
frightened of what their peers think of them.
I realise that you will have tried everything with them and may have tried these, but here are some strategies that will most definitely help….
1. Text them every day telling them that you love them, are proud of them and that it doesn’t matter what happens you will always be proud of them, (they will wonder what is going on but do it anyway).
2. Just listen, ask them how their day was and just listen, don’t tell them what to do (I know its really hard not to as it feels that their future is at stake right now, but the thing that they need most is to feel listened to, if they are feeling anxious, they will be feeling frightened and when frightened they will just shut down at any instructions as to what to do).
3. Ask them do they need a hug, they will balk at you and think you are crazy, but every teenager no matter how cool they think they are still needs a hug from their mum. I have given this advice to countless parents and one reported back that their son was having lots of tantrums about everything. The mum just stood there and offered him a hug, the son refused, but the mum continued to offer a hug each morning and eventually he took the hug and things got much better, not in a Disney happily ever after way, but in a “we are going to be ok” way.
4. Be kind to yourself,  you aren’t failing as a parent because they are struggling, the best thing that you can do for your teenager is to be calm and relaxed and have faith that they and you will come through this unscathed and smiling.

Remember to breathe, feel and allow it to flow, it’s the not feeling our uncomfortable feelings that causes so many problems.

If as a parent you are in need of a daily dose of positivity on your Facebook page then head on over to You Are Loved

 

Self Love Day 21 – Let it go, let it go… How to really let go. 

frozen

I know you have had enough of the film and now I have mentioned it you can’t stop singing that all important life instruction “let it go”. No matter how annoyed you are with the film I feel it has an important message (love thaws, fear freezes) and what is even more amazing is that a nation of children are singing that life instruction to all the adults. You get the picture, adults are stressed and tense, trying to run a family, a household and the kids are just singing “let it go, let it go…”, thank you very much Disney for those instructions but how do you actually let it go.

The internet is buoyed up with lots of information of what you should do, but not always on how to do it. For me it is always about taking the time to stop and just pay attention.

Our subconscious and psyche are really amazing, they know exactly what they are doing, if only we understood them better and could see that they are truly trying to help us and not put us through hell.

Sometimes we can struggle to let something go because there is an emotion that needs healing and it can be an emotion from the past. The very clever psyche will alert us to things that need healing by “triggering” us, it could be that when somebody says something to you, your feelings and reaction are completely out of proportion to the situation, but what you know for sure is that those feelings are very real for you.

So step 1 – just recognising and having the awareness that your emotions are over the top for the situation will help you to distance yourself from them and just observe.

Step 2 – journal on your feelings, just actually stop, sit down and write out everything that you feel about the situation. As you start to write about how you are feeling or what you would like to say to the other person, you may find that you gently yield to some other emotions that you maybe hadn’t realised where there.

Give yourself the time and respect that you would give someone else to just have a look at something. Often in life it is the most simple solutions that help us, but we are so used to continuing on our hamster wheel reacting the way that we have done and only really maybe looking when a crisis happens.

You may find that when you journal that there are other feelings under there from a previous situation. For a variety of reasons when things happen to us we may bury our feelings. They remain in our subconscious and when similar events happen they can be triggered.

Its a bit like when you start to do laundry its helpful to put all the light coloured things together as they wash much better, its similar with your feelings. There maybe a situation where somebody ignores your feelings and you feel angry and similar to when you do wash day and shout “anybody got any lights that need doing” , your subconscious is shouting out “any more anger in there to get out” and like those old smelly socks underneath a teenagers bed, the other anger comes up going “oh hello, anger being processed, can we come too” and like those smelly socks that  are smelling rancid, the anger may feel very strong and out of proportion to the situation, but is only because the anger has been festering under some teenagers bed.

When you have a backlog of laundry you may feel a little overwhelmed and when you start to look at your feelings, you may find that you have a bit of backlog, but with a bit of time put aside you can work through that laundry and somewhere some part of you will be very grateful that all the smelly socks have been dealt with.

If you would like some support with that backlog of laundry, I do 1 2 1 coaching and run journaling courses which provide a safe environment to support you.

Journaling For Self Love

Breaking Through Your Comfort Zones

I love Stephanies work, authenticity and honesty and am inspired by her journey x

"Let's Talk..." - with Steph Magenta

lifebeginssmall

I went for a beautiful nature walk yesterday with my dear friend Charlotte. We were wandering through the dappled, sunlit woodland behind her land, meandering over bluebell laden pathways, stopping to pick wild garlic and swapping our recent news. I was telling this divine sister how Bali had been for me, what I had learnt about myself and how it had changed me, and she commented “you need to write about this Steph – it’s important because so many of us feel this way!” So in honour of her request, here it is!

The quote above by Neale Donald Walsh – I’ve heard it so many times in my life and whilst I understand it of course, I got lazy within it. I got lazy mainly because I’m quite familiar with stepping outside of my comfort zones in life, going for my dreams, being bold and believing, and yet here…

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Self Love Day 20 – How do you know when your needs aren’t being met?

3 bones.jpg

In my last post I talked about getting your needs met, but what if you are a step behind and you are not even sure if your needs are or aren’t being met.

The first place to  start is to be able to identify the signs that your needs are not being met or that something is out of balance.

What does your life look like when you are unhappy? Take some time and sit down and write it out. I understand that there are  events outside of your control that can make you unhappy, but what if there aren’t? And even if there are, you can handle them so much better when your needs are being met.

For example mine are

  1. My house will be untidy and I will have no motivation to clean or tidy up. I know it is cool and trendy to bash housework and make out it is something that we shouldn’t want to do but the reality is that when our houses are clean and tidy we do actually feel so much better, not in an obsessive way, but as with everything in life in a balanced way. I am an empath and feel the energies of people, buildings and areas that I am with and if my house is untidy and I have no motivation to do anything about it then it means that somewhere I am over giving, I am being overstretched, I am out of balance. When my home is clean and tidy, I feel so much better because the energy of my house is clean and sparkly and I am able to relax better in the comfort of my own home.
  2. I become oversensitive to comments people make, when this is happening it is not helpful to me or the people around me. Feeling upset by people’s comments can also be about boundaries and how you are letting people treat you, which is a whole nother article. I know that when this is  happening I need to put myself in serious timeout, relax and get back to me and find out what the problem really is, because it is not usually what people are saying that is the issue. For me it is generally that I am not listening to myself about what I should and shouldn’t be doing, I have forgotten to listen to my inner compass.
  3. I want to eat comforting carbohydrates. Carbohydrates help release serotonin (the happy and calm hormone) so somewhere this plea is a cry for relaxation, a cry for a hug for something comforting. Even though food can be comforting it is all about whether you are eating to feel nutritionally wholesome or whether you are eating to hide your feelings. Find other things that are more nurturing to your soul and listen to why you are feeling so tired and in need of sustenance. What decisions can you make that can help you feel more relaxed, nurtured and supported.

So those are mine, what are yours?

I know when these things are happening I need to stop and look around me and listen, take time out to really really listen to what my needs are. Human beings make life very complex, but most of the time the answers are really simple. I know in my case that when I take the time to listen to myself I find that somewhere a part of me is wanting to communicate something profound and life changing to me, which is possibly why I resist stopping and listening to it in the first place.

If you would really like some help with listening to yourself and helping you to navigate your way back to happiness then contact me below. I run journaling courses and one to one coaching sessions to help you identify your needs and make your self care a priority.

You Are Loved

 

Self Love Day 19- What do you need? 

So how does it all get messed up, you know feeling frustrated, unhappy?

One of the reasons is that your needs are not being met. Again it is that simple act of placing awareness on your needs and meeting them.

One of the problems is that we can feel selfish meeting our needs or somewhere we don’t look because we are concerned that when we discover our needs we won’t actually be able to meet them and then we’ll be even more disappointed.

I can tell you that when you get down to your needs, they are actually very simple and it is easy and straightforward to meet them.

The problem is that they have been neglected for so long  that they are buried very deep under everyone else’s needs and a whole host of resentment.

One of the other problems is that we are so heavily drawn into other people meeting our needs, that’s a big strain on any relationship (let me qualify that when I use the word relationship I am not just talking in the sense of romantic, I am talking about every person you relate to, some are stronger relationships than others).

If we don’t know what our needs are, but yet we expect everyone around us to know what our needs are and get frustrated with people when they don’t fulfil our needs, it’s a clear recipe for unhappiness.

So start by just taking the time to ask yourself what your needs are. Make a decision that everyday for the next week that you are going to take 10 minutes to just write down what it is you need right now.

At first it will be a holiday in the Bahamas, win the lottery so that I don’t have to work however what you will find underneath it all (that is the magic of doing it for seven days, at day 4 you hit the “I don’t know anymore” keep going, the gold is there) that your needs can be as simple as needing a walk in the morning on your own and by meeting your need for that day you are a much happier person to be around and isn’t that worth investing time in?

For more information on how you can access any courses or for inspiring daily posts either message me or see me Facebook page.

You Are Loved 

Self Love Day 18 – How to believe in yourself

I believe in myself 2

Belief is like a muscle and therefore like a muscle it can be put on a training programme.

I would start with a programme of affirmations of “I believe in myself” “I believe I can do this” just constantly repeating it throughout your day and even more so when thoughts come up contrary to that.

When those thoughts come up they are just coming from your ego and your ego is there strange though it may seem, to protect you.

I know I can see your furrowed brow, what my ego is trying to protect me!

Dictionary Definition

Your ego is your conscious mind, the part of your identity that you consider your“self.” If you say someone has “a big ego,” then you are saying he is too full of himself.

Your ego is made up of your conscious thoughts and those thoughts will be reminding you “oh no don’t try that, the last time you tried that you failed and that was humiliating and that feeling of humiliation was painful and I don’t like painful feelings so lets not do anything that brings up painful feelings” so that is how it is trying to protect you.

So now when you try and change your thoughts to ones of belief and doubting thoughts come up you can be more gentle more loving with your mind and say “thank you for reminding me, but its going to be ok and I am going to learn how to handle it”. Dismissing your thoughts positive or negative is just dismissing a part of yourself and that is not very loving, its all about balance and having a healthy awareness of which thoughts are helpful and which ones are trying to protect you. In time  you will build in new experiences and either won’t experience humiliating thoughts or you will handle the humiliating thoughts with love and gentleness and any doubting thoughts will start to change.

We all have different levels of fear and resistance to believing in ourselves and can all prescribe ourselves a gym programme of reps of positive affirmations and below are some ideas on how you can remember to do them …..

  • Start with waking up in the morning and just looking yourself in the mirror (I know cheesy american stuff, but when you get over it and how much it will bring into your life through just one simple move then you’ll be adding pickle onto the cheesiness) and say I love you and I believe in you, do it, honestly try it, but do it for 30 days and see how different you feel.
  • Write yourself post it notes and post them all over the house, on your bathroom mirror, on the fridge, but you know what works really well? Go put them all over the house in the places that you don’t can’t see. Go do it, on  the inside of your wardrobe doors, on the inside of cupboard doors, on a towel in your airing cupboard, under your duvet, in your purse, in the food cupboard on a tin, anywhere you can think of. Go do it, I am smiling at the look on your face when you find all these and forgot that you had put them there.
  • Put a reminder on your phone with a gorgeous photo of yourself attached to it. No this is not cheese or ego, you are not doing the oh my god I am gorgeous look at me routine, you are looking at yourself and feeling the love for yourself in the way that you would look at a child or a baby and say I love you. In fact if you find it difficult putting a photo of yourself on your phone, put a photo of yourself as a child on your phone and tell that child everyday that you love and believe in them. Oh my god can you imagine if the whole world did this, how awesome and wonderful we would all feel.

So 3 easy ways for you to start feeling love and belief in yourself.

If you want to go deeper with this work or need some encouragement to get you started then contact me.

You Are Loved