Self Love Day 17 – Believe In Yourself

So today its all about believing in yourself.

The most successful people got where they are today because they believed in themselves.

One of the major cornerstones of the work that I do is about helping you to believe in yourself. I encourage you to be your own best cheerleader, it doesn’t matter if nobody else believes in you as long as you do and do you know what is magical about that, the moment you start believing in yourself the whole world and his dog joins in and starts believing in you too.

Do you know what is not magical, expecting everyone to believe in you before you do. It’s so draining on relationships, yes people can support you and be there for you but have you got the balance right? If  you are feeling frustrated because people around you are not encouraging you or believing in you then the first thing to do is to check in with your own level of self belief. How much do you believe that you can do it? If you don’t believe in yourself and are expecting someone else to do it for you that is a big strain on the relationship that you have with them.

Everything we need is within us (if what is within us is not what we need to support us we can change that). What could be within us that would stop us believing in ourselves? Past experiences, beliefs that we have taken on from society, school, work, family, friends, other voices that we have listened to other than our own.

So what if you have no belief in your self, what can you do? There are lots of things you can do and in my next post I will outline some really super simple and very effective things that you can do to raise your belief in yourself.

If you feel that what you have inside of you is not helping you to believe in yourself I run courses and individual coaching sessions to help you change that.

You can do this, you have got this, I believe in you.

Journaling For Self Love

If you want to get in touch with me fill in the form below. 

Apologies to those awaiting “time part 2”, this has come up as a bigger priority and I will get back to you about time, in time!

Self Love Day 16 – Time, the most overused and inaccurate statement

pocket-watch

So what is it? The most inaccurate statement?

“I don’t have enough time”

I am sorry but I am going to call you out on that one, you have the same 24 hours that everybody gets, what is a more accurate statement is

“I am not prioritising my time to suit my needs”.

You have the same 24 hours that every single living thing on this planet gets, you are the person in charge of what you do with that time. So if somebody asks you to do something and you respond with “I don’t have time” what you are actually saying is “I am not going to make what you want me to do a priority”

So how do you start shifting your behaviour around this and give yourself more time (which you now know you can’t do!) but what you can do is take more control over what you spend your time on. To do this I am going to recommend the very simple but powerful  strategy that can be applied to any part of your life which is………..

STOP and take some time out

Look at what you are spending your time on

Decide how you want to repriortise your time.

make a list

So why don’t you do that now. You can look at just one day,  a week, do it, stop and look and list where you are spending your time and then decide where you would like to be spending your time.

Here are a few suggestions

  • Print several copies of the chart below and fill them in.
  • If you prefer to be more technical then there are lots of apps that you can use to help you track your time. I have just tried aTimeLogger from Play Store.

In my next article I will share an example of how to help understand your reasons and motivations for where you spend your time.

24 Hour pie chart day and night

Journaling For Self Love

 

Self Love Day 15 – The Joy Of The Dark

When we numb the darkness

The sun is shining in the United Kingdom at the moment and it is wonderful. As you look around everybody feels much more relaxed and happier, it’s amazing what the weather can do.

So what happens when it’s not sunny, what about when we feel like we are having a bad day? Do you give yourself a hard time about it? Which by the way isn’t helpful as you are sending yourself the message that you have done something wrong.

What if we looked at it differently, what if we celebrated it, changed our perspective on what is actually happening on a “bad day”?

It is easy to feel happy when the sun is out, everybody is in a good mood and it takes no effort whatsoever and it feels nice. What we forget is that it takes much more effort to make it through a more challenging day, it takes more mind and emotional power,

……..so actually you are working harder, fighting whatever it is that is going on,

……..so actually you are doing more work on a bad day, but yet we beat ourselves up for feeling bad.

I am working with people who have been “battling” with negative thoughts, emotions and feelings and I congratulate them and I encourage them to do the same. Nobody knows how much of a battle you are fighting, nobody knows how much energy and effort it is taking for you to smile and make it through the day without punching somebody.

When you are having a “battle” and the skies feel grey here are a few strategies that are tried and tested.

  • See the darkness as a person, as a part of you, welcome it in, tell it that you are here for it, to look after it, it is a part of you and that you are not going to reject it. Most people are afraid of this strategy as they are concerned that they will feel worse. there is an expression that what we resist persists and this is true with our challenge.
  • Go curl up on the couch with your tea, biscuits and duvet and cuddle something and imagine this something is your “battle”, be with it, hold it, nurture it.
  • Imagine the darkness as a small frightened child, ask it what it wants, what it needs.
  • You are not your feeling, this too will pass, you are not a bad person because you are having a bad day.

Most of the strategies that I use are about embracing your challenge and realising that it is a part of you. In most of the cases that I have worked with, somewhere you are growing, overcoming something. I have found that most of the time it is an old emotion wanting to surface from the past.

When we have painful experiences our psyche as a coping strategy will sometimes bury some of it. We do this to protect ourselves, it is a safety mechanism, somewhere we don’t feel strong enough to deal with it.

So on what feels like our darkest days can be that somewhere our psyche feels strong enough to deal with something from the past. What do we do, we beat ourselves up because we feel that we are not coping and because we are having a bad day when the exact opposite is true. We are strong enough to care for ourselves and our emotional needs and our rejection of it can make it feel more challenging.

Be kind, be gentle to yourself and remember that on your darkest days is probably when you are at your strongest and even though you don’t feel it you are probably shining your brightest, you just can’t see it because you are looking at your dark.

Go light up your world and everyone around you.

Journaling For Self Love

 

 

Self Love Day 14 – Be a model


We influence the people around us without realising it. All the time we are taking in people’s behaviours and when we are self loving towards our self we model and give other people permission to do the same. 

I met up with someone and messaged them to let them know nice it had been. I didn’t here from this person for a couple of months and in their message they apologised for not replying sooner and explained that they had been overwhelmed and needed to look after the Self first. 

I found that so refreshing and permission giving on so many levels. After reading this I started to think about all the times that I would respond to some form of communication so as not to offend. I realised how stressful it is to be constantly replying and constantly worrying about not upsetting the other person. 

I am grateful for that friend for modeling to me how it’s done and giving me permission to do the same. When I heard from her I was pleased and hoped that she was OK and I relax knowing that the people worth having in my life would feel the same with my lack of communication. 

So if you are still not convinced that thinking about yourself and your needs first is worth doing, just remember that you are setting an example and giving other people around you permission to do the same. 

Go change your world and everyone around you, little by little, step by step. 

Journaling For Self Love 

Self Love Day 13 – Isn’t it selfish?

pexels-photo-266011.jpeg

If you start talking about self love people can question “but isn’t it selfish to put myself first”. This would depend on what your definition of self love is, some people think it is about being greedy and uncaring, some think it is about spending all their money on themselves and not thinking about anybody else. We are inherently wired to look after each other and care for each others needs, its a tribal primordial programme hardwired in our brain. We all have hearts and when they are functioning properly you feel so much love for your fellow man that you cannot help but be happy. The problem is that so many people have closed hearts and have lost touch with a sense of who they are.

We are all here with a purpose and so many of us feel bogged down and have lost our way that we literally cannot see the wood for the trees. This is just a sign of a closed heart and a disconnection from who you really are as a person.

Why do people literally go gaga over babies? Is it because they are just pure love, they are so happy, so content in their bodies and just radiate a feeling that nothing else seems to touch. This is an example of a human being in touch with themselves and having a lovely open heart.

So when we are talking about self love, we are talking about getting back to that state of being like a baby. Can you imagine how the world would be if we all felt that love, peace and contentment that radiates out of newborns. How happy are people when they have visited a baby, just imagine being in touch with that level of love for yourself and how everybody around you would feel, which is why it isn’t selfish to cultivate self love.

When you have that level of self love other people feel it and it makes them feel better about themselves, which is a much more empowering way to light up the world.

“Lighthouses don’t go around saving people, they just shine their light.”

Fill yourself up and shine.

Journaling For Self Love

 

 

Self Love Day 12 – Compassion, start with yourself. 

We live in challenging times, we are bombarded with what is going wrong in the world and if you are an empath it can be challenging to not take it all on board. It looks like we are going to hell in a handbasket and can feel overwhelming as to know how to sort out this mess. 

People who love themselves remember to have compassion and kindness to themselves first and this makes it much easier to have compassion and kindness to others. Our world problems are only going to be solved by having compassion and kindness for one another. 

What do you do if you don’t know how to be compassionate towards yourself? 

1. You can try Journaling, write yourself a letter saying exactly how you feel about everything that is on your mind right now, hand it over to the good old fashioned pen and paper. Then read your letter (the next day if you want to) and write yourself a compassionate reply. Mail the letter to yourself and see how you may surprise yourself with what you have written. 

2. Imagine if someone was telling you all their problems and they were exactly like yours, what would you advise them? How compassionate would you be towards them? Treat yourself with the same compassion you would a friend. 

We are all doing our best at being human, some days it looks like we are making a terrible mess, but compassion will see us through. 

Start with yourself. 

Self Care Day 11 – compassion for your body

What are your thoughts and feelings when you are ill? I can bet they are generally negative, seeing being ill as an inconvenience or a problem.

Our bodies are always trying to balance themselves and most of the time our symptoms are not signs of things failing but a sign that things are working. The symptoms aren’t generally from the illness they are a byproduct of your body fighting the illness.

A majority of skin problems are actually gut problems, the fact that you have issues with your skin is your body letting you know you may be eating things that you can’t digest properly and the rashes and irritations on your skin are the toxins and byproducts of that process.

When you have a cold or flu, your whole body is doing everything it can to fight the virus, the symptoms that you are experiencing are from your antibodies going into battle with the virus.

If you have sickness or diarrhoea, your body can be trying to expel something.

So the first most loving thing you can do is listen to your body and listen to what it needs. It has its own innate intelligence and your intuition or your gut feeling are your communication centres with it.

Use it, listen to it, what does it need? Is it water, is it rest, is it a certain type of food?

As Baz Luhrmann would say in Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

“Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own”

Journaling For Self Love