Give yourself the gift of….. 


Half an hour.

It’s the last week before Christmas and you could see yourself riding the waves or going under and spluttering. 

That gift could make all the difference, if you were an investment banker you would be the top dog because the return on your investment of 30 minutes would give you a return that money can’t buy, unflappable at Christmas.

So stop what you’re doing right now and get a pen and paper. Don’t self sabotage by saying “oh I can only do it on nice paper and with my lovely ink pen”. Even if you have to write it on the back of all the amazon packaging (this investment is a great one, it’s not affected by not having the right tools, only the willingness to get on top of the wave that is consumerism season gone mad). And follow these instructions……..

1. Just write out everything that needs to be done this week. Go wild, go on put in all the unachievable barbie world idealistics of also cleaning the bathroom and filling it with scented candles.

2. Now pick the top 10 things that under no circumstances must be done.

3. Now really question yourself, do they really have to be done? Do you really need to have hand made croissants for breakfast? Is there anything on that top ten that is really habit, tradition or because society thinks you should do it. A bit of a clue, if it makes your heart sing and feel really contented then do it. And I mean a real peace not a false I’ll feel better because it’s out of the way.

4. OK split your paper into the days of the week and map in what things are already happening and where can you put those tasks in. Can anything be moved around?

5. OK big one here, because if you’re feeling stressed about Christmas, one reason could be that you are doing it all. Whose doing all of these jobs and can any be delegated?

Keep that plan in sight and review it at the end of each day, will take 5 minutes.

And even if you don’t do this, don’t beat yourself up for being stressed, relax, let go, enjoy and be kind to yourself, you’re doing the best you can.

For daily inspiration to be kind to yourself and be your greatest cheerleader see my Facebook page. 

You Are Loved 

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Self Love Day 18 – How to believe in yourself

I believe in myself 2

Belief is like a muscle and therefore like a muscle it can be put on a training programme.

I would start with a programme of affirmations of “I believe in myself” “I believe I can do this” just constantly repeating it throughout your day and even more so when thoughts come up contrary to that.

When those thoughts come up they are just coming from your ego and your ego is there strange though it may seem, to protect you.

I know I can see your furrowed brow, what my ego is trying to protect me!

Dictionary Definition

Your ego is your conscious mind, the part of your identity that you consider your“self.” If you say someone has “a big ego,” then you are saying he is too full of himself.

Your ego is made up of your conscious thoughts and those thoughts will be reminding you “oh no don’t try that, the last time you tried that you failed and that was humiliating and that feeling of humiliation was painful and I don’t like painful feelings so lets not do anything that brings up painful feelings” so that is how it is trying to protect you.

So now when you try and change your thoughts to ones of belief and doubting thoughts come up you can be more gentle more loving with your mind and say “thank you for reminding me, but its going to be ok and I am going to learn how to handle it”. Dismissing your thoughts positive or negative is just dismissing a part of yourself and that is not very loving, its all about balance and having a healthy awareness of which thoughts are helpful and which ones are trying to protect you. In time  you will build in new experiences and either won’t experience humiliating thoughts or you will handle the humiliating thoughts with love and gentleness and any doubting thoughts will start to change.

We all have different levels of fear and resistance to believing in ourselves and can all prescribe ourselves a gym programme of reps of positive affirmations and below are some ideas on how you can remember to do them …..

  • Start with waking up in the morning and just looking yourself in the mirror (I know cheesy american stuff, but when you get over it and how much it will bring into your life through just one simple move then you’ll be adding pickle onto the cheesiness) and say I love you and I believe in you, do it, honestly try it, but do it for 30 days and see how different you feel.
  • Write yourself post it notes and post them all over the house, on your bathroom mirror, on the fridge, but you know what works really well? Go put them all over the house in the places that you don’t can’t see. Go do it, on  the inside of your wardrobe doors, on the inside of cupboard doors, on a towel in your airing cupboard, under your duvet, in your purse, in the food cupboard on a tin, anywhere you can think of. Go do it, I am smiling at the look on your face when you find all these and forgot that you had put them there.
  • Put a reminder on your phone with a gorgeous photo of yourself attached to it. No this is not cheese or ego, you are not doing the oh my god I am gorgeous look at me routine, you are looking at yourself and feeling the love for yourself in the way that you would look at a child or a baby and say I love you. In fact if you find it difficult putting a photo of yourself on your phone, put a photo of yourself as a child on your phone and tell that child everyday that you love and believe in them. Oh my god can you imagine if the whole world did this, how awesome and wonderful we would all feel.

So 3 easy ways for you to start feeling love and belief in yourself.

If you want to go deeper with this work or need some encouragement to get you started then contact me.

You Are Loved

Self Love Day 17 – Believe In Yourself

So today its all about believing in yourself.

The most successful people got where they are today because they believed in themselves.

One of the major cornerstones of the work that I do is about helping you to believe in yourself. I encourage you to be your own best cheerleader, it doesn’t matter if nobody else believes in you as long as you do and do you know what is magical about that, the moment you start believing in yourself the whole world and his dog joins in and starts believing in you too.

Do you know what is not magical, expecting everyone to believe in you before you do. It’s so draining on relationships, yes people can support you and be there for you but have you got the balance right? If  you are feeling frustrated because people around you are not encouraging you or believing in you then the first thing to do is to check in with your own level of self belief. How much do you believe that you can do it? If you don’t believe in yourself and are expecting someone else to do it for you that is a big strain on the relationship that you have with them.

Everything we need is within us (if what is within us is not what we need to support us we can change that). What could be within us that would stop us believing in ourselves? Past experiences, beliefs that we have taken on from society, school, work, family, friends, other voices that we have listened to other than our own.

So what if you have no belief in your self, what can you do? There are lots of things you can do and in my next post I will outline some really super simple and very effective things that you can do to raise your belief in yourself.

If you feel that what you have inside of you is not helping you to believe in yourself I run courses and individual coaching sessions to help you change that.

You can do this, you have got this, I believe in you.

Journaling For Self Love

If you want to get in touch with me fill in the form below. 

Apologies to those awaiting “time part 2”, this has come up as a bigger priority and I will get back to you about time, in time!

Self Love Day 16 – Time, the most overused and inaccurate statement

pocket-watch

So what is it? The most inaccurate statement?

“I don’t have enough time”

I am sorry but I am going to call you out on that one, you have the same 24 hours that everybody gets, what is a more accurate statement is

“I am not prioritising my time to suit my needs”.

You have the same 24 hours that every single living thing on this planet gets, you are the person in charge of what you do with that time. So if somebody asks you to do something and you respond with “I don’t have time” what you are actually saying is “I am not going to make what you want me to do a priority”

So how do you start shifting your behaviour around this and give yourself more time (which you now know you can’t do!) but what you can do is take more control over what you spend your time on. To do this I am going to recommend the very simple but powerful  strategy that can be applied to any part of your life which is………..

STOP and take some time out

Look at what you are spending your time on

Decide how you want to repriortise your time.

make a list

So why don’t you do that now. You can look at just one day,  a week, do it, stop and look and list where you are spending your time and then decide where you would like to be spending your time.

Here are a few suggestions

  • Print several copies of the chart below and fill them in.
  • If you prefer to be more technical then there are lots of apps that you can use to help you track your time. I have just tried aTimeLogger from Play Store.

In my next article I will share an example of how to help understand your reasons and motivations for where you spend your time.

24 Hour pie chart day and night

Journaling For Self Love

 

Self Love Day 14 – Be a model


We influence the people around us without realising it. All the time we are taking in people’s behaviours and when we are self loving towards our self we model and give other people permission to do the same. 

I met up with someone and messaged them to let them know nice it had been. I didn’t here from this person for a couple of months and in their message they apologised for not replying sooner and explained that they had been overwhelmed and needed to look after the Self first. 

I found that so refreshing and permission giving on so many levels. After reading this I started to think about all the times that I would respond to some form of communication so as not to offend. I realised how stressful it is to be constantly replying and constantly worrying about not upsetting the other person. 

I am grateful for that friend for modeling to me how it’s done and giving me permission to do the same. When I heard from her I was pleased and hoped that she was OK and I relax knowing that the people worth having in my life would feel the same with my lack of communication. 

So if you are still not convinced that thinking about yourself and your needs first is worth doing, just remember that you are setting an example and giving other people around you permission to do the same. 

Go change your world and everyone around you, little by little, step by step. 

Journaling For Self Love 

Self Love Day 12 – Compassion, start with yourself. 

We live in challenging times, we are bombarded with what is going wrong in the world and if you are an empath it can be challenging to not take it all on board. It looks like we are going to hell in a handbasket and can feel overwhelming as to know how to sort out this mess. 

People who love themselves remember to have compassion and kindness to themselves first and this makes it much easier to have compassion and kindness to others. Our world problems are only going to be solved by having compassion and kindness for one another. 

What do you do if you don’t know how to be compassionate towards yourself? 

1. You can try Journaling, write yourself a letter saying exactly how you feel about everything that is on your mind right now, hand it over to the good old fashioned pen and paper. Then read your letter (the next day if you want to) and write yourself a compassionate reply. Mail the letter to yourself and see how you may surprise yourself with what you have written. 

2. Imagine if someone was telling you all their problems and they were exactly like yours, what would you advise them? How compassionate would you be towards them? Treat yourself with the same compassion you would a friend. 

We are all doing our best at being human, some days it looks like we are making a terrible mess, but compassion will see us through. 

Start with yourself. 

Self Care Day 11 – compassion for your body

What are your thoughts and feelings when you are ill? I can bet they are generally negative, seeing being ill as an inconvenience or a problem.

Our bodies are always trying to balance themselves and most of the time our symptoms are not signs of things failing but a sign that things are working. The symptoms aren’t generally from the illness they are a byproduct of your body fighting the illness.

A majority of skin problems are actually gut problems, the fact that you have issues with your skin is your body letting you know you may be eating things that you can’t digest properly and the rashes and irritations on your skin are the toxins and byproducts of that process.

When you have a cold or flu, your whole body is doing everything it can to fight the virus, the symptoms that you are experiencing are from your antibodies going into battle with the virus.

If you have sickness or diarrhoea, your body can be trying to expel something.

So the first most loving thing you can do is listen to your body and listen to what it needs. It has its own innate intelligence and your intuition or your gut feeling are your communication centres with it.

Use it, listen to it, what does it need? Is it water, is it rest, is it a certain type of food?

As Baz Luhrmann would say in Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

“Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own”

Journaling For Self Love


Self Care Day 10 – Size matters


One of my journaling strategies for improving self love is something that I call Self Love Actions. I am completing a course with Tiffany Crosara (I highly recommend her work http://www.tiffanycrosara.co.uk) and on it we were introduced to what Tiffany  calls “Tada’s” which is any action that after you have completed it you would say “tadaaaaa”. 

I have been working with these and recently felt inspired to call mine Self Love Actions. You write in your beautiful journal all the actions that you have taken that day that are of a self loving nature. I have been doing this for quite a few months now and have found that it really makes a difference to how you feel about yourself, but I feel that size is important. 

Traditionally we only recognise big achievements and anything less than that was not worth mentioning. When building your self love muscle it is important to recognise every little aspect of what you do. In doing so you start to become your own best cheerleader. You are training your brain to look for the positive all the time. It works so well that when you are having a bad day all you need to do is take an SLA pill and it all starts to feel better. A Self Love Action Pill is just you mentally listing all your SLA’s for the last 24 hours and as that starts to flood through your system, the medication starts to work and you instantly start to feel better. 

Try it, start to list all the small things you have achieved in a day and over time you will have your very own little medicine cabinet full of SLA’s. 

Self Care Day 9 – Go easy on yourself 

Go easy on yourself, you are doing better than you think. Whose standards and expectations are you measuring yourself up against? Who said it all had to be done in a certain way, time, place and within a certain budget. 

Loving yourself means taking the time to stop what you are doing and give yourself a break, you really are doing much better than you think you are. 

What would be the purpose of you setting yourself upto to some standard that you never even bothered to read the smallprint on. Stop now and take a moment, just look and see what is stressing you out. Could it be an impossible standard that you have unconsciously adopted. 

If ever I have a bath other than a night time I feel like I am doing something very wrong. Baths are meant to be before bedtime. So yes I have this programme running in my head which isn’t a biggie, it’s just about a bath and I am sure I can make the habit of having a bath in the morning or the afternoon a relaxing experience instead of wondering when the water patrol are going to arrive, but what if you have lots of expectations that are no longer serving you, when are you going to stop and take some time to read the smallprint and throw out some old outdated routines. 

Self Care Day 8 – Nothing Compares To You


People who love themselves don’t compare themselves to others, if there is any comparing to be done it is only ever with yourself when reminding yourself of how much you have overcome. 

Look at your life 12 months ago, how did you deal with things then, what things have improved? There will always always be something, no matter how small and speaking of size the smaller the better. A mountain is not climbed in one big leap, it is taken at a pace step by step, moment by moment. If you want to climb this mountain of life take it moment by moment, the slower you are the more time you have to appreciate the beauty around you. How can you notice the delicate flowers when you are running? 

Our life is not measured by our breaths but by the moments that take our breath away. 

Stop, slow down and really really pay attention to yourself and acknowledge the beauty that you are because in whatever it is you are doing good there will always be someone better or worse than you. 

Love you, appreciate you and watch other people fall in love with who you really are.