You are your greatest gift

In this world the most challenging thing can be to be your true self. You can become so bogged down with everything around you without even realising it’s happening.

And how do you know it’s happened? When something lights you back up again and you realise that you had lost your way.

I am an empath, I have a beautiful gift of sensitivity and I love the people in my life, but as an empath I can absorb all of your rubbish.

You may not say it, but if it’s in your energy field I feel it and it can affect me. It’s like coming home with everyone’s laundry. I’m trying to work out how to get the equivalent of an energetic laundrette at my house.

My responsibility is too manage myself, my commitments and my life so that I’m in the best place possible for the people I love. I’m still learning.

What sparked this post was reading the post at the bottom by Crystal dreams. Her list of 1 to 80 felt like my todo list for 2018.

And do you know what, it lit me back up. It reminded me that when you sing from the song of your heart and soul you are the happiest you could ever be.

And when you do that you are the most beautiful and charming person to be with in the world.

So have a look at the article or peruse her 80 guidelines for living. If any government needed a new manifesto then it surely should be this one.

1. Take responsibility for your life. Stop blaming others, outside influences, your past, the planets, the weather. Own your own chaos and start to address your problems one by one. Begin with your home. You cannot function properly if your home is in a state of chaos, untidiness and filth. Then move on to bigger issues. Your relationships, your job, your finances. It is, quite simply, your choice.
2. Live in the Now. Stop worrying about the future or dwelling in the past. The only moment you can change is right here, right now.
3. Every now and then unplug yourself. Almost everything will function properly again once you disconnect it from the “mains” for a while, reboot it and then restart the programme. The same is valid for humans.
4. Spend at least 30 minutes a day in nature. Ground yourself. Walk barefoot on the earth if you can. Nature truly is our greatest healer.
5. Spend less time on Social Media and more time with those you love. Social Media scatters and fragments your energy enormously and a big part of why you are feeling frazzled all.the.time.
6. Don’t hang on to anger and resentment. Equally, don’t ignore them either. Anger is a valuable emotional reaction when we feel wronged and a clear signal that our boundaries need to be (re)established or (re)evaluated. Take time to be with your feelings, work your way through them and understand why you feel the way you do. The moment you understand, you will be able to let go, just like that.
7. Be kind to yourself and others. You never know what the other is going through.
8. Meditate. Often. Write in your journal, process the day.
9. It is ok to feel self-pity now and then, but don’t dwell there. Rather harness the energy to create a better future for yourself.
10. Be Grateful. For the good and the bad. They both have worthy lessons to teach.
11. Listen to the silence. It has much to say.
12. Cry when you need to cry. It will release the pressure and bring healing to the pain.
13. Let go of Pride and Prejudice.
14. Stop living your life according to the latest planetary alignments, horoscope, cosmic weather, list of recent ascension symptoms and general tarot readings. Whilst a good, personal energy, astrology or tarot reading can bring much clarity and insight, fully living your life according to what has been “foretold” is the best way to stop the magic from happening. One choice today will alter your path tomorrow. Ignore any sensationalist doom and gloom messages repeated ad nauseum. They are designed to lure the masses into a “need” by keeping you trapped in your misery so that you keep coming back for more.
15. Understand that NOTHING will cure you other than YOU. There is not a single crystal, healing modality, healer or guru who can miraculously fix you. The only thing they can do is align you with the frequency of the healing you need to find within yourself. You have to do the work. You will have to do the inner work. Nobody can do it for you.
16. Own your addictions. Owning them is the beginning to curing them. Whether sugar, drugs, alcohol, food, sex, OCD… the list is endless. Own it. Then watch the transformation happen. It may not be overnight, but you will take control more and more until one day… you are free.
17. Deep Healing takes time. Be patient and and gentle with yourself. Trust that you will get there.
18. You have all the answers within. Seek advice with those you trust but listen to the wisdom of your soul.
19. Trust your gut. It knows more than your mind.
20. Let go of the need to be right or defend yourself. Truth will eventually out and people will respect you for it even more.
21. Your body is your temple. Learn to love it, just the way it is. The more you love it, the better you will treat it and the more it will love you back and transform into the way you would love it to be.
22. There is no such thing as coincidence. Everything has a meaning.
23. Opinion is the lowest form of knowledge.
24. Stop procrastinating and evading unpleasant situations. The sooner you grab the proverbial bull by the horns, the sooner the problem will go away.
25. Nothing will ever truly go away until we have learnt the lesson fully. If you find yourself in a repeat groundhog- day pattern, ask yourself what you are not wanting to see. See it.
26. Know that it is ok to let go. Step away from people and situations which you have outgrown. Move on. It is fine and the way it is meant to be. It is all part of your and their growth.
27. Self-care and self-nurture is vital. Allow yourself to rest. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
28. Understand the power of your thoughts. Thought creates and manifests energy. You can invest that power in negativity or positivity. The choice is yours.
29. Know that there will be days that you will feel out of sorts, emotional and overwhelmed. I still have them regularly and that is ok. Surrender to the feeling, be with it and try to find the reason. Sometimes you will, sometimes you won’t. And that is fine. Tomorrow is another day and this too, shall pass.
30. If you are having a super unmotivated day, still try and do one productive thing, preferably something you love.
31. Create order, structure and a certain routine in your day. Begin with making your bed. Schedule your day. Make a to-do list if you find it hard to keep to your schedule and get to the end of the day having achieved all your goals. You will be surprised how good it feels to tick all your to-do’s off the list as the day goes by.
32. Equally, make time to be “free” for a while each day.
33. Did I mention meditate?
34. Stop getting involved in drama. Be discerning in what you read, listen to and believe. Limit your time on TV / Radio / Social Media networks that proclaim the latest doom and gloom news. Stop sharing sensationalist news, be it on terror, horrendous crashes, personal tragedy. It only spreads more angst and enforces control of the masses. Better even ditch TV and Radio altogether.
35. Your TV probably has over 500 channels. If you find yourself brainlessly flicking through them, remember that there is an off button.
36. Read lots of books to expand your knowledge and horizons. If you find this difficult because of time pressures, listen to audio-books instead. Listen to them when commuting, ironing, doing your chores. I have “read” through stacks of books in the last 3 months by using audible and it has been life-changing.
37. Trust. The Universe has your back.
38. Travel as much as you can. It will bring many an unexpected gift.
39. Remember that fear is an illusion. Unless in a real, life-threatening situation, most of what we imagine could happen, never happens.
40. Tell those you love that you love them.
41. Make every day count.
42. You cannot change others. Either accept them as they are or choose to distance yourself.
43. Relationships change. Your marriage, your friendship, your loveship. They will all evolve and change, and that is good. You can either grow with them or stay frozen in stagnation. Your choice.
44. Communication is vital. Express your feelings. Lack of communication is one of the biggest reasons for disharmony. If you find it hard to speak your feelings, write them down and pass your message on that way. Explain if you are finding it hard to express your emotions verbally. It will be understood.
45. Every now and then, take a risk. Go on an adventure. It adds spice to life and expands your horizons.
46. Clean up after yourself.
47. Avoid gossip and gossip magazines. You have no idea how horrendous and destructive their energy is.
48. What others think about you is none of your business.
49. Equally, what others do is none of your business.
50. Change is good. Stop resisting it.
51. Be creative in whichever way you love. Write, draw, paint, crochet, make jewellery, build something. It doesn’t matter what it is. But being creative matters to your soul and happiness. Creativity is one of the greatest healers.
52. You have more strength, resilience and courage within you than you will ever know. You can do this.
53. Make love not war.
54. Move your body. Exercise gently for 30 minutes a day. A brisk walk and 15 minutes of gentle Yoga will work wonders.
55. Your family is your greatest teacher.
56. Have regular, nourishing meals. It creates order in our day and order in your body.
57. There is life after copy and paste messages. Stop brainlessly copying messages onto your status. This too is a form of control and stops you from engaging your own brain and creativity.
58. Be patient. Everything will come to you at the right time.
59. Keep dreaming. Your dreams are the vehicle to manifestation.
60. Think before you speak.
61. Treat everyone with respect.
62. Have fun! If you forgot how to do that, play with a child for a while.
63. If someone really gets under your skin and triggers you deeply, there is an important lesson to learn. Step back, take a breath, observe your reaction and then take considered action.
64. Set boundaries if you feel violated. It is ok to define your limits. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength.
65. Show your emotions. Not everybody is good at reading other people’s energy or body language.
66. Stop worrying about getting older. It is a privilege denied to many.
67. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
68. Stop being available 24/7. There really is no need to answer that phone/message/text/email immediately.
69. Dare to be vulnerable. Your integrity will earn you deep respect.
70. There is no such thing as failure. Even when you give up for a while, it is not failure. See it as a breakthrough. There WILL be a point where you will be ready to try again.
71. Be totally honest with yourself. It will set you free.
72. Never stop learning. The moment you stop learning, life will become dull and meaningless.
73. Nothing will ever be perfect. Just be the most imperfectly perfect you can be, because all is perfect as it is anyway. One of the great paradoxes of life.
74. Be aware of energy. Your energy, the energy of your words, your thoughts, the energy of others, of things. I wish I could show everyone the effect and impact of energy. If we would all be aware of it, this world would truly be a better place.
75. Stop complaining. It keeps you trapped in the energy and makes you a victim.
76. Never ever grow up. It ‘s a trap 😉
77. It is never too late to change anything.
78. Love is the answer. No matter what the question.
79. Be the change you wish to see.
80. Be . Authentically .You. Always.

The Full Article from Crystal Dreams 

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Self Love Day 21 – Let it go, let it go… How to really let go. 

frozen

I know you have had enough of the film and now I have mentioned it you can’t stop singing that all important life instruction “let it go”. No matter how annoyed you are with the film I feel it has an important message (love thaws, fear freezes) and what is even more amazing is that a nation of children are singing that life instruction to all the adults. You get the picture, adults are stressed and tense, trying to run a family, a household and the kids are just singing “let it go, let it go…”, thank you very much Disney for those instructions but how do you actually let it go.

The internet is buoyed up with lots of information of what you should do, but not always on how to do it. For me it is always about taking the time to stop and just pay attention.

Our subconscious and psyche are really amazing, they know exactly what they are doing, if only we understood them better and could see that they are truly trying to help us and not put us through hell.

Sometimes we can struggle to let something go because there is an emotion that needs healing and it can be an emotion from the past. The very clever psyche will alert us to things that need healing by “triggering” us, it could be that when somebody says something to you, your feelings and reaction are completely out of proportion to the situation, but what you know for sure is that those feelings are very real for you.

So step 1 – just recognising and having the awareness that your emotions are over the top for the situation will help you to distance yourself from them and just observe.

Step 2 – journal on your feelings, just actually stop, sit down and write out everything that you feel about the situation. As you start to write about how you are feeling or what you would like to say to the other person, you may find that you gently yield to some other emotions that you maybe hadn’t realised where there.

Give yourself the time and respect that you would give someone else to just have a look at something. Often in life it is the most simple solutions that help us, but we are so used to continuing on our hamster wheel reacting the way that we have done and only really maybe looking when a crisis happens.

You may find that when you journal that there are other feelings under there from a previous situation. For a variety of reasons when things happen to us we may bury our feelings. They remain in our subconscious and when similar events happen they can be triggered.

Its a bit like when you start to do laundry its helpful to put all the light coloured things together as they wash much better, its similar with your feelings. There maybe a situation where somebody ignores your feelings and you feel angry and similar to when you do wash day and shout “anybody got any lights that need doing” , your subconscious is shouting out “any more anger in there to get out” and like those old smelly socks underneath a teenagers bed, the other anger comes up going “oh hello, anger being processed, can we come too” and like those smelly socks that  are smelling rancid, the anger may feel very strong and out of proportion to the situation, but is only because the anger has been festering under some teenagers bed.

When you have a backlog of laundry you may feel a little overwhelmed and when you start to look at your feelings, you may find that you have a bit of backlog, but with a bit of time put aside you can work through that laundry and somewhere some part of you will be very grateful that all the smelly socks have been dealt with.

If you would like some support with that backlog of laundry, I do 1 2 1 coaching and run journaling courses which provide a safe environment to support you.

Journaling For Self Love

Self Love Day 19- What do you need? 

So how does it all get messed up, you know feeling frustrated, unhappy?

One of the reasons is that your needs are not being met. Again it is that simple act of placing awareness on your needs and meeting them.

One of the problems is that we can feel selfish meeting our needs or somewhere we don’t look because we are concerned that when we discover our needs we won’t actually be able to meet them and then we’ll be even more disappointed.

I can tell you that when you get down to your needs, they are actually very simple and it is easy and straightforward to meet them.

The problem is that they have been neglected for so long  that they are buried very deep under everyone else’s needs and a whole host of resentment.

One of the other problems is that we are so heavily drawn into other people meeting our needs, that’s a big strain on any relationship (let me qualify that when I use the word relationship I am not just talking in the sense of romantic, I am talking about every person you relate to, some are stronger relationships than others).

If we don’t know what our needs are, but yet we expect everyone around us to know what our needs are and get frustrated with people when they don’t fulfil our needs, it’s a clear recipe for unhappiness.

So start by just taking the time to ask yourself what your needs are. Make a decision that everyday for the next week that you are going to take 10 minutes to just write down what it is you need right now.

At first it will be a holiday in the Bahamas, win the lottery so that I don’t have to work however what you will find underneath it all (that is the magic of doing it for seven days, at day 4 you hit the “I don’t know anymore” keep going, the gold is there) that your needs can be as simple as needing a walk in the morning on your own and by meeting your need for that day you are a much happier person to be around and isn’t that worth investing time in?

For more information on how you can access any courses or for inspiring daily posts either message me or see me Facebook page.

You Are Loved 

Self Love Day 18 – How to believe in yourself

I believe in myself 2

Belief is like a muscle and therefore like a muscle it can be put on a training programme.

I would start with a programme of affirmations of “I believe in myself” “I believe I can do this” just constantly repeating it throughout your day and even more so when thoughts come up contrary to that.

When those thoughts come up they are just coming from your ego and your ego is there strange though it may seem, to protect you.

I know I can see your furrowed brow, what my ego is trying to protect me!

Dictionary Definition

Your ego is your conscious mind, the part of your identity that you consider your“self.” If you say someone has “a big ego,” then you are saying he is too full of himself.

Your ego is made up of your conscious thoughts and those thoughts will be reminding you “oh no don’t try that, the last time you tried that you failed and that was humiliating and that feeling of humiliation was painful and I don’t like painful feelings so lets not do anything that brings up painful feelings” so that is how it is trying to protect you.

So now when you try and change your thoughts to ones of belief and doubting thoughts come up you can be more gentle more loving with your mind and say “thank you for reminding me, but its going to be ok and I am going to learn how to handle it”. Dismissing your thoughts positive or negative is just dismissing a part of yourself and that is not very loving, its all about balance and having a healthy awareness of which thoughts are helpful and which ones are trying to protect you. In time  you will build in new experiences and either won’t experience humiliating thoughts or you will handle the humiliating thoughts with love and gentleness and any doubting thoughts will start to change.

We all have different levels of fear and resistance to believing in ourselves and can all prescribe ourselves a gym programme of reps of positive affirmations and below are some ideas on how you can remember to do them …..

  • Start with waking up in the morning and just looking yourself in the mirror (I know cheesy american stuff, but when you get over it and how much it will bring into your life through just one simple move then you’ll be adding pickle onto the cheesiness) and say I love you and I believe in you, do it, honestly try it, but do it for 30 days and see how different you feel.
  • Write yourself post it notes and post them all over the house, on your bathroom mirror, on the fridge, but you know what works really well? Go put them all over the house in the places that you don’t can’t see. Go do it, on  the inside of your wardrobe doors, on the inside of cupboard doors, on a towel in your airing cupboard, under your duvet, in your purse, in the food cupboard on a tin, anywhere you can think of. Go do it, I am smiling at the look on your face when you find all these and forgot that you had put them there.
  • Put a reminder on your phone with a gorgeous photo of yourself attached to it. No this is not cheese or ego, you are not doing the oh my god I am gorgeous look at me routine, you are looking at yourself and feeling the love for yourself in the way that you would look at a child or a baby and say I love you. In fact if you find it difficult putting a photo of yourself on your phone, put a photo of yourself as a child on your phone and tell that child everyday that you love and believe in them. Oh my god can you imagine if the whole world did this, how awesome and wonderful we would all feel.

So 3 easy ways for you to start feeling love and belief in yourself.

If you want to go deeper with this work or need some encouragement to get you started then contact me.

You Are Loved

Self Love Day 17 – Believe In Yourself

So today its all about believing in yourself.

The most successful people got where they are today because they believed in themselves.

One of the major cornerstones of the work that I do is about helping you to believe in yourself. I encourage you to be your own best cheerleader, it doesn’t matter if nobody else believes in you as long as you do and do you know what is magical about that, the moment you start believing in yourself the whole world and his dog joins in and starts believing in you too.

Do you know what is not magical, expecting everyone to believe in you before you do. It’s so draining on relationships, yes people can support you and be there for you but have you got the balance right? If  you are feeling frustrated because people around you are not encouraging you or believing in you then the first thing to do is to check in with your own level of self belief. How much do you believe that you can do it? If you don’t believe in yourself and are expecting someone else to do it for you that is a big strain on the relationship that you have with them.

Everything we need is within us (if what is within us is not what we need to support us we can change that). What could be within us that would stop us believing in ourselves? Past experiences, beliefs that we have taken on from society, school, work, family, friends, other voices that we have listened to other than our own.

So what if you have no belief in your self, what can you do? There are lots of things you can do and in my next post I will outline some really super simple and very effective things that you can do to raise your belief in yourself.

If you feel that what you have inside of you is not helping you to believe in yourself I run courses and individual coaching sessions to help you change that.

You can do this, you have got this, I believe in you.

Journaling For Self Love

If you want to get in touch with me fill in the form below. 

Apologies to those awaiting “time part 2”, this has come up as a bigger priority and I will get back to you about time, in time!

Self Love Day 16 – Time, the most overused and inaccurate statement

pocket-watch

So what is it? The most inaccurate statement?

“I don’t have enough time”

I am sorry but I am going to call you out on that one, you have the same 24 hours that everybody gets, what is a more accurate statement is

“I am not prioritising my time to suit my needs”.

You have the same 24 hours that every single living thing on this planet gets, you are the person in charge of what you do with that time. So if somebody asks you to do something and you respond with “I don’t have time” what you are actually saying is “I am not going to make what you want me to do a priority”

So how do you start shifting your behaviour around this and give yourself more time (which you now know you can’t do!) but what you can do is take more control over what you spend your time on. To do this I am going to recommend the very simple but powerful  strategy that can be applied to any part of your life which is………..

STOP and take some time out

Look at what you are spending your time on

Decide how you want to repriortise your time.

make a list

So why don’t you do that now. You can look at just one day,  a week, do it, stop and look and list where you are spending your time and then decide where you would like to be spending your time.

Here are a few suggestions

  • Print several copies of the chart below and fill them in.
  • If you prefer to be more technical then there are lots of apps that you can use to help you track your time. I have just tried aTimeLogger from Play Store.

In my next article I will share an example of how to help understand your reasons and motivations for where you spend your time.

24 Hour pie chart day and night

Journaling For Self Love

 

Self Love Day 15 – The Joy Of The Dark

When we numb the darkness

The sun is shining in the United Kingdom at the moment and it is wonderful. As you look around everybody feels much more relaxed and happier, it’s amazing what the weather can do.

So what happens when it’s not sunny, what about when we feel like we are having a bad day? Do you give yourself a hard time about it? Which by the way isn’t helpful as you are sending yourself the message that you have done something wrong.

What if we looked at it differently, what if we celebrated it, changed our perspective on what is actually happening on a “bad day”?

It is easy to feel happy when the sun is out, everybody is in a good mood and it takes no effort whatsoever and it feels nice. What we forget is that it takes much more effort to make it through a more challenging day, it takes more mind and emotional power,

……..so actually you are working harder, fighting whatever it is that is going on,

……..so actually you are doing more work on a bad day, but yet we beat ourselves up for feeling bad.

I am working with people who have been “battling” with negative thoughts, emotions and feelings and I congratulate them and I encourage them to do the same. Nobody knows how much of a battle you are fighting, nobody knows how much energy and effort it is taking for you to smile and make it through the day without punching somebody.

When you are having a “battle” and the skies feel grey here are a few strategies that are tried and tested.

  • See the darkness as a person, as a part of you, welcome it in, tell it that you are here for it, to look after it, it is a part of you and that you are not going to reject it. Most people are afraid of this strategy as they are concerned that they will feel worse. there is an expression that what we resist persists and this is true with our challenge.
  • Go curl up on the couch with your tea, biscuits and duvet and cuddle something and imagine this something is your “battle”, be with it, hold it, nurture it.
  • Imagine the darkness as a small frightened child, ask it what it wants, what it needs.
  • You are not your feeling, this too will pass, you are not a bad person because you are having a bad day.

Most of the strategies that I use are about embracing your challenge and realising that it is a part of you. In most of the cases that I have worked with, somewhere you are growing, overcoming something. I have found that most of the time it is an old emotion wanting to surface from the past.

When we have painful experiences our psyche as a coping strategy will sometimes bury some of it. We do this to protect ourselves, it is a safety mechanism, somewhere we don’t feel strong enough to deal with it.

So on what feels like our darkest days can be that somewhere our psyche feels strong enough to deal with something from the past. What do we do, we beat ourselves up because we feel that we are not coping and because we are having a bad day when the exact opposite is true. We are strong enough to care for ourselves and our emotional needs and our rejection of it can make it feel more challenging.

Be kind, be gentle to yourself and remember that on your darkest days is probably when you are at your strongest and even though you don’t feel it you are probably shining your brightest, you just can’t see it because you are looking at your dark.

Go light up your world and everyone around you.

Journaling For Self Love

 

 

Self Love Day 4 – Journaling The Basics

Journaling, the how to basics……

Image result for snuggle up

When you journal you are getting in touch with your subconscious, a part of you, so treat yourself well. Find a nice quiet space, I personally like to light candles, incense, put on my healing music, cuddle up under a blanket and write with lovely coloured pens and in a beautiful notebook. Treat yourself well, treat yourself like royalty, a good journaling session can be a luxurious and  nurturing activity.

Relax knowing that whatever you write is perfect, don’t hold back if you feel that its not what you should be writing, just look at the prompts and just allow yourself to flow. You will be pleasantly surprised by what you uncover.

These are your prompts

  1. How am I actually feeling about this situation (no holds barred, you don’t have to share this with anybody you just need to actually acknowledge and feel your feelings).
  2. When have I felt like this before? What was the situation, who was involved, what was the outcome?
  3. What did I learn about myself in this situation?
  4. If I had a crystal ball what would that tell me? (this is a fabulous no holds barred coaching strategy, because somewhere we know what is happening, we just haven’t found a way to verbalise it yet).
  5. Go back and do it again, yes again, its amazing when you go back to something how you may a have another layer of understanding. If you can, redo it 3 times and see what happens.

Good luck with this, be kind and gentle with yourself you are doing a great job.

For more information about my upcoming course click on the link below

Journaling For Self Love

Self Love Day 2 – how to not take it personally.

My Self Love Day 1 article prompted a question along the lines of  “yes that is great I have not to take it personal, I get that, its all to do with the other person and not me, but how do I actually do it?”

So are you ready for the magic formula? This is how we do it ….

The first thing to do is actually pay the situation some attention and a wonderful way to do that is through journaling. It is only when we put our attention on it that we can find out what the root cause is.

It’s ok noticing the dripping tap but unless we take any action, the tap is going to keep dripping and until we look at it we can’t know why. It might be because it needs a new washer, but until you investigate you have no idea what the root cause is and if you don’t know what that is how on earth can you find a solution.

Journaling helps you to look at the situation, which in a lot of cases is nothing to do with what is happening. It can be an old hurt or pain resurfacing to be healed. I recently had an achilles tendon injury and one of the therapies on offer was to retraumatise the injury to promote the healing process.

Our psyche can be doing that to help us heal an old trauma or hurt by creating another one to promote the healing process. The journaling helps us to stand back from the situation and look at the story objectively to see if we can see the core.

Having an awareness and understanding of the situation is also very helpful in giving you a barrier between you and the other person.

For more information about my upcoming course click on the link below

Journaling For Self Love