The sun is shining in the United Kingdom at the moment and it is wonderful. As you look around everybody feels much more relaxed and happier, it’s amazing what the weather can do.
So what happens when it’s not sunny, what about when we feel like we are having a bad day? Do you give yourself a hard time about it? Which by the way isn’t helpful as you are sending yourself the message that you have done something wrong.
What if we looked at it differently, what if we celebrated it, changed our perspective on what is actually happening on a “bad day”?
It is easy to feel happy when the sun is out, everybody is in a good mood and it takes no effort whatsoever and it feels nice. What we forget is that it takes much more effort to make it through a more challenging day, it takes more mind and emotional power,
……..so actually you are working harder, fighting whatever it is that is going on,
……..so actually you are doing more work on a bad day, but yet we beat ourselves up for feeling bad.
I am working with people who have been “battling” with negative thoughts, emotions and feelings and I congratulate them and I encourage them to do the same. Nobody knows how much of a battle you are fighting, nobody knows how much energy and effort it is taking for you to smile and make it through the day without punching somebody.
When you are having a “battle” and the skies feel grey here are a few strategies that are tried and tested.
- See the darkness as a person, as a part of you, welcome it in, tell it that you are here for it, to look after it, it is a part of you and that you are not going to reject it. Most people are afraid of this strategy as they are concerned that they will feel worse. there is an expression that what we resist persists and this is true with our challenge.
- Go curl up on the couch with your tea, biscuits and duvet and cuddle something and imagine this something is your “battle”, be with it, hold it, nurture it.
- Imagine the darkness as a small frightened child, ask it what it wants, what it needs.
- You are not your feeling, this too will pass, you are not a bad person because you are having a bad day.
Most of the strategies that I use are about embracing your challenge and realising that it is a part of you. In most of the cases that I have worked with, somewhere you are growing, overcoming something. I have found that most of the time it is an old emotion wanting to surface from the past.
When we have painful experiences our psyche as a coping strategy will sometimes bury some of it. We do this to protect ourselves, it is a safety mechanism, somewhere we don’t feel strong enough to deal with it.
So on what feels like our darkest days can be that somewhere our psyche feels strong enough to deal with something from the past. What do we do, we beat ourselves up because we feel that we are not coping and because we are having a bad day when the exact opposite is true. We are strong enough to care for ourselves and our emotional needs and our rejection of it can make it feel more challenging.
Be kind, be gentle to yourself and remember that on your darkest days is probably when you are at your strongest and even though you don’t feel it you are probably shining your brightest, you just can’t see it because you are looking at your dark.
Go light up your world and everyone around you.