Self Love Day 3 – still not taking it personally

sow-love

So you’ve started to realise that not taking it personally is definitely a way forward to change your life and maybe you have dabbled in some journaling, but how do you keep up your stamina?

Surely you can’t spend the rest of your life lounging around with your candles and gel pens delving deep into your soul or maybe you don’t want to. There is life to be lead, work, family, children, relationships, bills, shopping, blah blah blah.

Well no it doesn’t have to be this way,

more of a change of attitude,

more of a noticing,

more of a paying attention to yourself

with gentleness

with curiosity

I wonder what is going on here

I wonder how I am feeling.

Just taking the time to notice, to pay attention on a regular basis will have an impact. If you are listening to yourself more, maybe you won’t need to get triggered because in the simple act of listening you are being proactive and don’t need the triggers to warn you that something is amiss.

 

As human beings we make life complicated and therefore assume that the solutions also have to be, they don’t.

The effectiveness isn’t just in the remedy but in how often you take it.

Be gentle, be kind, pay attention and in those moments, cherish.

If you live in the Lancashire area, you may want to join me in my upcoming course.

Journaling For Self Love

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Self Love Day 2 – how to not take it personally.

My Self Love Day 1 article prompted a question along the lines of  “yes that is great I have not to take it personal, I get that, its all to do with the other person and not me, but how do I actually do it?”

So are you ready for the magic formula? This is how we do it ….

The first thing to do is actually pay the situation some attention and a wonderful way to do that is through journaling. It is only when we put our attention on it that we can find out what the root cause is.

It’s ok noticing the dripping tap but unless we take any action, the tap is going to keep dripping and until we look at it we can’t know why. It might be because it needs a new washer, but until you investigate you have no idea what the root cause is and if you don’t know what that is how on earth can you find a solution.

Journaling helps you to look at the situation, which in a lot of cases is nothing to do with what is happening. It can be an old hurt or pain resurfacing to be healed. I recently had an achilles tendon injury and one of the therapies on offer was to retraumatise the injury to promote the healing process.

Our psyche can be doing that to help us heal an old trauma or hurt by creating another one to promote the healing process. The journaling helps us to stand back from the situation and look at the story objectively to see if we can see the core.

Having an awareness and understanding of the situation is also very helpful in giving you a barrier between you and the other person.

For more information about my upcoming course click on the link below

Journaling For Self Love

Self Love Day 1 – it’s not personal

I have an upcoming course in April on journaling for Self Love and have been asked lots of questions about it so I have decided to blog for 30 days on the questions that I frequently get asked.

One of my roles that I play in life is being a secondary school teacher. The most common question I get asked is “How do you stay so calm, relaxed and patient?”

The first and most important one is that I do not take anything personally. How a person responds or reacts to me is everything to do with them and nothing to do with me. That one is  a biggie and takes a while to master, but it is so worth the time and effort into practicing it. In fact it is one of the cornerstones of something called The Four Agreements  by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It can seem challenging at first, we have spent so long buying into “taking it personally” that to drop it feels like the other person is getting away with something. A part of us has been happy blaming someone else for our misfortunes, allowing our days and lives to be affected by how other people treat us. As I write this it feels ridiculous that we could allow someone to have so much power over our day. It would be a great act of self love to be able to drop the habit, because that is all it is, a habit and habits can be changed.

So could you do that?

Just for today try not taking anything personally and seeing what happens.

Seeing how you feel at the end of the day, how has your day changed, for the better?

the-four-agreements

Journaling For Self Love 

More than a feeling

It’s more than a song from Boston …..

Try playing the video and not singing along whilst trying to read.

Your feelings are your best guide to life, but how often do you ignore them or not know how to handle them?

One interesting exercise is to look at how you treat other people’s feelings.

The conversation could go like this …

“He never called and he said he would”

“But he will/ won’t because he doesn’t know what he is missing/has probably lost your number/ don’t worry he wasn’t the one/ there are plenty of other fish in the sea” (insert appropriate comment).

“I know all those things but …”

Logically you know what the person is saying, but this isn’t about that. This is about how you are feeling.

When you are the person expressing how you are feeling you don’t want all the logical answers or explanations; you know all of this in your rational brain. You just want to express how you are feeling.

As soon as the words have left your mouth, the natural reaction from anybody else present can be to give advice. We naturally want to make people feel better, we are a walking talking aspirin. The better thing to be is a sounding board, just listen and acknowledge their feelings.

Try it today, even if just once and watch how a conversation changes, how a connection with somebody else changes.

Just listen, don’t offer advice,just listen, if your brain and mouth are so desperate to say something just reflect back to them what they have said to you. Hand Over Mouth

Watch the transformation.

Watch how difficult you find it to keep that mouth closed.

If you can fight your ego and keep your mouth closed, you will change lives …

Including your own.