Self Love Day 21 – Let it go, let it go… How to really let go. 

frozen

I know you have had enough of the film and now I have mentioned it you can’t stop singing that all important life instruction “let it go”. No matter how annoyed you are with the film I feel it has an important message (love thaws, fear freezes) and what is even more amazing is that a nation of children are singing that life instruction to all the adults. You get the picture, adults are stressed and tense, trying to run a family, a household and the kids are just singing “let it go, let it go…”, thank you very much Disney for those instructions but how do you actually let it go.

The internet is buoyed up with lots of information of what you should do, but not always on how to do it. For me it is always about taking the time to stop and just pay attention.

Our subconscious and psyche are really amazing, they know exactly what they are doing, if only we understood them better and could see that they are truly trying to help us and not put us through hell.

Sometimes we can struggle to let something go because there is an emotion that needs healing and it can be an emotion from the past. The very clever psyche will alert us to things that need healing by “triggering” us, it could be that when somebody says something to you, your feelings and reaction are completely out of proportion to the situation, but what you know for sure is that those feelings are very real for you.

So step 1 – just recognising and having the awareness that your emotions are over the top for the situation will help you to distance yourself from them and just observe.

Step 2 – journal on your feelings, just actually stop, sit down and write out everything that you feel about the situation. As you start to write about how you are feeling or what you would like to say to the other person, you may find that you gently yield to some other emotions that you maybe hadn’t realised where there.

Give yourself the time and respect that you would give someone else to just have a look at something. Often in life it is the most simple solutions that help us, but we are so used to continuing on our hamster wheel reacting the way that we have done and only really maybe looking when a crisis happens.

You may find that when you journal that there are other feelings under there from a previous situation. For a variety of reasons when things happen to us we may bury our feelings. They remain in our subconscious and when similar events happen they can be triggered.

Its a bit like when you start to do laundry its helpful to put all the light coloured things together as they wash much better, its similar with your feelings. There maybe a situation where somebody ignores your feelings and you feel angry and similar to when you do wash day and shout “anybody got any lights that need doing” , your subconscious is shouting out “any more anger in there to get out” and like those old smelly socks underneath a teenagers bed, the other anger comes up going “oh hello, anger being processed, can we come too” and like those smelly socks that  are smelling rancid, the anger may feel very strong and out of proportion to the situation, but is only because the anger has been festering under some teenagers bed.

When you have a backlog of laundry you may feel a little overwhelmed and when you start to look at your feelings, you may find that you have a bit of backlog, but with a bit of time put aside you can work through that laundry and somewhere some part of you will be very grateful that all the smelly socks have been dealt with.

If you would like some support with that backlog of laundry, I do 1 2 1 coaching and run journaling courses which provide a safe environment to support you.

Journaling For Self Love

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Self Love Day 14 – Be a model


We influence the people around us without realising it. All the time we are taking in people’s behaviours and when we are self loving towards our self we model and give other people permission to do the same. 

I met up with someone and messaged them to let them know nice it had been. I didn’t here from this person for a couple of months and in their message they apologised for not replying sooner and explained that they had been overwhelmed and needed to look after the Self first. 

I found that so refreshing and permission giving on so many levels. After reading this I started to think about all the times that I would respond to some form of communication so as not to offend. I realised how stressful it is to be constantly replying and constantly worrying about not upsetting the other person. 

I am grateful for that friend for modeling to me how it’s done and giving me permission to do the same. When I heard from her I was pleased and hoped that she was OK and I relax knowing that the people worth having in my life would feel the same with my lack of communication. 

So if you are still not convinced that thinking about yourself and your needs first is worth doing, just remember that you are setting an example and giving other people around you permission to do the same. 

Go change your world and everyone around you, little by little, step by step. 

Journaling For Self Love 

Self Love Day 12 – Compassion, start with yourself. 

We live in challenging times, we are bombarded with what is going wrong in the world and if you are an empath it can be challenging to not take it all on board. It looks like we are going to hell in a handbasket and can feel overwhelming as to know how to sort out this mess. 

People who love themselves remember to have compassion and kindness to themselves first and this makes it much easier to have compassion and kindness to others. Our world problems are only going to be solved by having compassion and kindness for one another. 

What do you do if you don’t know how to be compassionate towards yourself? 

1. You can try Journaling, write yourself a letter saying exactly how you feel about everything that is on your mind right now, hand it over to the good old fashioned pen and paper. Then read your letter (the next day if you want to) and write yourself a compassionate reply. Mail the letter to yourself and see how you may surprise yourself with what you have written. 

2. Imagine if someone was telling you all their problems and they were exactly like yours, what would you advise them? How compassionate would you be towards them? Treat yourself with the same compassion you would a friend. 

We are all doing our best at being human, some days it looks like we are making a terrible mess, but compassion will see us through. 

Start with yourself. 

Self Care Day 11 – compassion for your body

What are your thoughts and feelings when you are ill? I can bet they are generally negative, seeing being ill as an inconvenience or a problem.

Our bodies are always trying to balance themselves and most of the time our symptoms are not signs of things failing but a sign that things are working. The symptoms aren’t generally from the illness they are a byproduct of your body fighting the illness.

A majority of skin problems are actually gut problems, the fact that you have issues with your skin is your body letting you know you may be eating things that you can’t digest properly and the rashes and irritations on your skin are the toxins and byproducts of that process.

When you have a cold or flu, your whole body is doing everything it can to fight the virus, the symptoms that you are experiencing are from your antibodies going into battle with the virus.

If you have sickness or diarrhoea, your body can be trying to expel something.

So the first most loving thing you can do is listen to your body and listen to what it needs. It has its own innate intelligence and your intuition or your gut feeling are your communication centres with it.

Use it, listen to it, what does it need? Is it water, is it rest, is it a certain type of food?

As Baz Luhrmann would say in Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

“Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own”

Journaling For Self Love


Self Care Day 8 – Nothing Compares To You


People who love themselves don’t compare themselves to others, if there is any comparing to be done it is only ever with yourself when reminding yourself of how much you have overcome. 

Look at your life 12 months ago, how did you deal with things then, what things have improved? There will always always be something, no matter how small and speaking of size the smaller the better. A mountain is not climbed in one big leap, it is taken at a pace step by step, moment by moment. If you want to climb this mountain of life take it moment by moment, the slower you are the more time you have to appreciate the beauty around you. How can you notice the delicate flowers when you are running? 

Our life is not measured by our breaths but by the moments that take our breath away. 

Stop, slow down and really really pay attention to yourself and acknowledge the beauty that you are because in whatever it is you are doing good there will always be someone better or worse than you. 

Love you, appreciate you and watch other people fall in love with who you really are. 

Self Love Day 7 – Love yourself enough to stop. 

Paying attention is a self loving habit, if something isn’t working or something feels off, just stop. 

Stop and ask yourself what you need in that moment to make yourself feel better. Sometimes we don’t ask ourselves because we are frightened that we won’t be able to fulfill our own needs. It usually is something very simple and just requires us to be flexible. 

Today after my teaching session I wasn’t feeling great but had a heap of marking to do and generally like to do it in school. I took 5 minutes to think about what I needed and it was that I should go home, have a rest, enjoy some sunshine and do the marking later. 

I can have quite a fixed mindset and I most definitely dislike taking work home especially marking,  but in this instance it was much more self loving to take a break. 

Make it a habit to just stop for 5 minutes, get off the hamster wheel and just ask yourself what it is you need and is there a more self loving way of doing this. 

Journaling For Self Love 

Self Love Day 6

Attention, it’s all about attention. Self loving people pay attention to themselves and their needs. Yesterday I talked about breath and water and it is really interesting how our mind can convince us of something, it’s only when we really pay attention that we know what is going on. 

I drink herbal tea 99% of the time so I was convinced that I was drinking enough fluids, it was only when I decided to pay attention and put my focus on it that I realised the truth, I should have had the auditors in sooner. 

I decided to use the app Water Drink Monitor which records how much you drink a day against what you should drink (calculated from you inputting your weight). I was shocked to discover that I was only drinking 800ml of water a day, short of the recommended general of 2litres a day and whey off my 4litres calculated from the app!

In case you aren’t aware your body is roughly 75% water and your brain 90% water, so if you aren’t properly hydrated you aren’t giving yourself a chance. I won’t go into what type of water you drink, that is a new post. 

Journaling For Self Love