Self Love Day 21 – Let it go, let it go… How to really let go. 

frozen

I know you have had enough of the film and now I have mentioned it you can’t stop singing that all important life instruction “let it go”. No matter how annoyed you are with the film I feel it has an important message (love thaws, fear freezes) and what is even more amazing is that a nation of children are singing that life instruction to all the adults. You get the picture, adults are stressed and tense, trying to run a family, a household and the kids are just singing “let it go, let it go…”, thank you very much Disney for those instructions but how do you actually let it go.

The internet is buoyed up with lots of information of what you should do, but not always on how to do it. For me it is always about taking the time to stop and just pay attention.

Our subconscious and psyche are really amazing, they know exactly what they are doing, if only we understood them better and could see that they are truly trying to help us and not put us through hell.

Sometimes we can struggle to let something go because there is an emotion that needs healing and it can be an emotion from the past. The very clever psyche will alert us to things that need healing by “triggering” us, it could be that when somebody says something to you, your feelings and reaction are completely out of proportion to the situation, but what you know for sure is that those feelings are very real for you.

So step 1 – just recognising and having the awareness that your emotions are over the top for the situation will help you to distance yourself from them and just observe.

Step 2 – journal on your feelings, just actually stop, sit down and write out everything that you feel about the situation. As you start to write about how you are feeling or what you would like to say to the other person, you may find that you gently yield to some other emotions that you maybe hadn’t realised where there.

Give yourself the time and respect that you would give someone else to just have a look at something. Often in life it is the most simple solutions that help us, but we are so used to continuing on our hamster wheel reacting the way that we have done and only really maybe looking when a crisis happens.

You may find that when you journal that there are other feelings under there from a previous situation. For a variety of reasons when things happen to us we may bury our feelings. They remain in our subconscious and when similar events happen they can be triggered.

Its a bit like when you start to do laundry its helpful to put all the light coloured things together as they wash much better, its similar with your feelings. There maybe a situation where somebody ignores your feelings and you feel angry and similar to when you do wash day and shout “anybody got any lights that need doing” , your subconscious is shouting out “any more anger in there to get out” and like those old smelly socks underneath a teenagers bed, the other anger comes up going “oh hello, anger being processed, can we come too” and like those smelly socks that  are smelling rancid, the anger may feel very strong and out of proportion to the situation, but is only because the anger has been festering under some teenagers bed.

When you have a backlog of laundry you may feel a little overwhelmed and when you start to look at your feelings, you may find that you have a bit of backlog, but with a bit of time put aside you can work through that laundry and somewhere some part of you will be very grateful that all the smelly socks have been dealt with.

If you would like some support with that backlog of laundry, I do 1 2 1 coaching and run journaling courses which provide a safe environment to support you.

Journaling For Self Love

Self Care Day 8 – Nothing Compares To You


People who love themselves don’t compare themselves to others, if there is any comparing to be done it is only ever with yourself when reminding yourself of how much you have overcome. 

Look at your life 12 months ago, how did you deal with things then, what things have improved? There will always always be something, no matter how small and speaking of size the smaller the better. A mountain is not climbed in one big leap, it is taken at a pace step by step, moment by moment. If you want to climb this mountain of life take it moment by moment, the slower you are the more time you have to appreciate the beauty around you. How can you notice the delicate flowers when you are running? 

Our life is not measured by our breaths but by the moments that take our breath away. 

Stop, slow down and really really pay attention to yourself and acknowledge the beauty that you are because in whatever it is you are doing good there will always be someone better or worse than you. 

Love you, appreciate you and watch other people fall in love with who you really are. 

More than a feeling

It’s more than a song from Boston …..

Try playing the video and not singing along whilst trying to read.

Your feelings are your best guide to life, but how often do you ignore them or not know how to handle them?

One interesting exercise is to look at how you treat other people’s feelings.

The conversation could go like this …

“He never called and he said he would”

“But he will/ won’t because he doesn’t know what he is missing/has probably lost your number/ don’t worry he wasn’t the one/ there are plenty of other fish in the sea” (insert appropriate comment).

“I know all those things but …”

Logically you know what the person is saying, but this isn’t about that. This is about how you are feeling.

When you are the person expressing how you are feeling you don’t want all the logical answers or explanations; you know all of this in your rational brain. You just want to express how you are feeling.

As soon as the words have left your mouth, the natural reaction from anybody else present can be to give advice. We naturally want to make people feel better, we are a walking talking aspirin. The better thing to be is a sounding board, just listen and acknowledge their feelings.

Try it today, even if just once and watch how a conversation changes, how a connection with somebody else changes.

Just listen, don’t offer advice,just listen, if your brain and mouth are so desperate to say something just reflect back to them what they have said to you. Hand Over Mouth

Watch the transformation.

Watch how difficult you find it to keep that mouth closed.

If you can fight your ego and keep your mouth closed, you will change lives …

Including your own.